I don’t really know where I’m going; I don’t really know what I’m doing. All I do know is that if I have to go and do this. It’s so busy round here I feel the stares of peoples’ eyes, flushing colour into my cheeks. Everybody else walks in groups with their friends, not me, I walk alone.
I’m here now. I can’t do this, it’s not right. I run my fingers along the bar; it pierces through, injecting me with a shiver. Peering over, I wonder how many people have stood here, like me, and thought the same thoughts as me.
The rippling black treacle looks so enticing. Rusty autumn leaves infuse colour into the river. I feel my eyes widening as I taking in the details of my last surroundings I shall see. The willow trees hang over the river as I do, being drawn in and enticed, but resisting, like they’re trying to pull away. I pull back a bit. I don’t have to do it right now; I should take in my final surroundings a bit more. Hovering down the stairs, a lonely dandelion winks at me amongst the fallen leaves. It’s trying to escape from the shadows that surround it.
As my feet grind along the toe path I realise that I am alone. Not just away from the crowds of people, but I really am alone. A solitary swan floats beside me, as if drawn to my solitude. He’s floated away from his crowd; I can see them in the distance. They’re crowding round, fighting for scraps of bread being tossed in by a woman. It looks to be almost routinely to her. I wonder why he’s chose to come to me, I haven’t got anything.
It’s time. I somewhat slither back up the steps, as my legs tremble like jelly beneath me. Clasping onto the bar, this time I’m injected with heat. My fingers tremble as they tie the weight securely to my waist. I place it on the bar and wedge my feet into the diamond patterned bridge and I heave myself up. Here I squat like a frog; I can feel my knees vibrating near my ears. Eyes wide open, I clasp to the weight as I float into the darkness with the weight by my side.